can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
