id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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