Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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