I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
