This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're like the curious george of whores
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
