Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
