haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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