ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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