jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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