I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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