my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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