I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
