you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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