broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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