those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
