he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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