hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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