Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
