i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
