batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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