Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
