we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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