I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
