I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
