If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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