Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
