he told me I talked like a deaf person
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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