My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
