WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
