I think im going to throw up on grandma
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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