Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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