my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
