Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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