question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
