i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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