some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
