people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
