Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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