just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
