I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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