there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
