the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
