someone threw a dead crab at me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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