the condom got lost in my hair
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
