when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
