And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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