this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
