mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's shark week go big or go home
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
