Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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