mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
