If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
