he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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