Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
