I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
